In a mood

I'm in a MOOD uh oh... Well I feel so angry right now probably more at myself than anything else. I want to live my own life regardless of what people think of me. I want to do my OWN thing without giving a shit. Sometimes I just feel so helpless, frustrated and confused. I don't want to feel like this or to act this way because it drives me insane to the point where I wish I could smash my head against a brick wall. So angry and a sense of feeling so out of control. God help me. I know I won't feel this way forever, I hope. Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair done. Actually it feels more like a joke than anything else, But Violet the hairdresser I spoke to today says it will be fun and that I'll feel better. I hope so. Violet is my Mom's hairdresser she's really good and did a fine job on my Mom's hair. The highlights look wonderful. Anyway I don't like my hair. I hate my white/gray hair and I also pull my hair out with my fingers. It's an obsessive compulsive disorder called trichotilimania. I've been pulling my hair out since I was 16yrs old. And often wear hats or scarfs over my head so no one will know. I am ashamed of how my hair and head looks but sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it untill there's hair all over the place or my Mom says something to me about it. So I looked at some colors today. I want a color that's noticeable like a purple or red and I mean bright red. I also want to get my nose and tongue pierced but need to find out where a good place is in Puyallup to get that done. Well that's all I have to say for now.

My Dreaded Day

My mom woke me up this morning bout 7am she had my Proflex protein shake for me. And she said she had called the oral surgeon's office to let them know I would make my 3pm appointment today. I drink 2 - 3 protein shakes a day they're really good. Then I have dinner @ night time. After my shke I fell back asleep woke up @ 12pm kinda freaked for the first two seconds till I realized it was after 2pm. So I got up went outside smoked a cigarette then came back in took a shower, watched a lil of Days while getting dressed then left to go to Bremerton. I thought we were gonna be late cause traffic was funky on the way over. Anyway we made it in time. Before long I was in the back with blood pressure cuff on, some sticky stuff on my chest to monitor activity and 100% oxygen on my face as a precaution. I got a little nervous when the nurse began strapping my legs down and then my right hand. Warning signs in my head were going off... uh oh uh oh! Then the doc came in and they numbed my mouth with novacaine that hurt like a bitch! LOL  Then before I knew within 30 mins I had two teeth up to removed and 3 teeth on the bottom removed. The wisdom tooth hurt a lot coming out. My vision was a bit blurry there for a while. The nurse told me that's cause of the novacaine. I got a prescription for percosette so I should be good to go if any pain arises.  Well that's my adventure for today. Oh I have my last two sessions with my personal trainer @ the gym next week. I'm gonna miss him being my trainer:(. But I get to come up with 2 programs and do them this weekend one workout for a push day and one for a pull day. I look forward to it it's gonna be fun cause he's going to workout with me. We've never actually worked out together. I just hope my mouth and teeth and stuff will be better tomorrow.

Not sure what to call this yet

I don't make a lot of sense not just to others but I'm sure to myself too. *Yawns I shouldn't be tired I slept early last night till about 6:30am this morning. I'm just listening to the radio right now. I listen to KISS 106.1 @ least once a day to get the pass word of the day. So with that achieved the radio goes off. LOL don't ya just love thos popups. Just got one telling me I'm today's GRAND PRIZE winner and to call some 1 800 number. So anyway.... I think I'm gonna go have a cigarette and get on the treadmill for about 30 mins.